Matthew 7: 15 through 20

This entry was submitted by Daniel from the blog ‘Like A Mustard Seed‘.  It’s really good.  I know you are going to enjoy it.

15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?

17 Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  

19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  

20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

- New International Version

15 “Don’t concern yourselves with false prophets.  Outwardly they look just like sheep, so what difference does it make if they are ferocious wolves on the inside.  

16 You won’t be able to recognize them by their fruit.  After all, people pick grapes from thornbushes, and figs from thistles all the time.  

17 Likewise, not every good tree bears good fruit, and a bad tree doesn’t necessarily bear bad fruit.  

18 Sometimes good trees bear bad fruit, and bad trees can also bear good fruit.  

19 Just because a tree doesn’t bear good fruit, doesn’t mean it will be treated any differently than the others.  

20 Thus, It is judgemental and self-righteous to try and discern people according to their fruit.

- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 22: 37 through 40

37 Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.

38 This is the first and greatest commandment.

39 A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.

40 All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

- New Living Translation

37 Jesus replied, “You must love and serve your church with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.

38 This is the first and greatest commandment.

39 A second is equally important:  Love your pastor as yourself.  He is the intermediary between you and God.

40 All the other commandments and the demands of the prophets are based upon absolute adherence to theses two commandments.”

- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 18: 19

19 I also tell you this: If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you.
- New Living Translation

19 I also tell you this:  It two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you think, call it a doctrine and form a church around it.  If you can convince enough people to believe it with you create a chain of churches just like yours and form a denomination.  Exclude others who don’t believe as you do and my Father in heaven will reward you for creating further unecessary division among his church.
- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 4: 19

19 Jesus called out to them, “Come be my disciples, and I will show you how to fish for people!“

- New Living Translation

19 Jesus called out to them, “Come be my disciples, and I will show you how to:

– Go to church

– Wear Christian T-shirts

– Put Christian bumper stickers on your car

– Leave gospel tracts in restrooms

– Pray Billy Graham wins a lot of people to my cause

– Play Christian music out of your car really loud so others will hear it

and various other ways you can hope that others will find their way to me without any direct participation from you. My grace and love is best shown through a lack of involvement in the lives of those around you.

- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 6: 9 through 13 (The Lord’s Prayer)

9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as in Heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
- King James Version

9 Pray like this: Father in Heaven, we have honored your name by including it in the name of our church.
10 Let your kingdom come and your will be done on earth just exactly as we have imagined it.
11 Make us all rich beyond our wildest dreams. Of course we aren’t asking for selfish reasons. We just know what will happen when all the heathens see us blow our money on frivolous things with no regard for the world around us. They will want to follow you so they too can hitch a ride on God’s gravy train.
12 And forgive us for all that we’ve done wrong.
13 And never ever let us be tempted by anything so that our walk with you will be easy and trouble free, and keep all those icky sinners away from us because we know they are too evil for your grace and redemption: For by your power and glory we shape your kingdom to our desires through prayer.
- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 5: 15 and 16

15 Don’t hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all.
16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
- New Living Translation

15 Don’t show your light to those who could use it as they stumble in darkness! Instead, only show it to those in your church building. Pat each other on the back with smug self-righteous grins and arrogantly congratulate one another on how well you have kept your light contained within the Christian sub-culture.
16 In the same way, promote the things you have done for your church for all those in it to see, so they can all praise you for how well you have hidden your light from those who need it the most.
- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 7: 1 through 5

1 Stop judging others, and you will not be judged.
2 For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged.
3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?
4 How can you think of saying, `Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?
5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
- New Living Translation

We, the editors of the Modern Church Translation have debated long and hard over these verses. It should be obvious to all that judging others and condemning them for their incorrect beliefs is our God given responsibility. For that reason we have determined that these five verses must have been added to the original text in error. Probably by some poor soul that was unable to take the condemnation he received for having incorrect beliefs. In an effort to correct this egregious error we have decided to eliminate these verses from the Modern Church Translation so that Christians will be able to fully realize the righteousness involved with judgmental condemnation. Matthew chapter 7 will simply begin with verse 6 in this translation.

Matthew 25: 35 and 36

35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.
36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.
- New Living Translation

35 For I was hungry and thirsty and you gave a few canned vegetables that were about to expire to the local soup kitchen. I was a stranger and you gave a couple of bucks to an organization that would send someone to help me so that you never even had to look at me.
36 I was in need of clothes and you gave me directions to the Goodwill store. I was sick and you sent me a get well card. I was in prison and you prayed that the prison ministry team from your church would speak to me.
- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 28:19

19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
- New Living Translation

19 Therefore, stay put in your churches and pray that people will walk through your doors. In this way your pastor can preach to them so that they will become disciples. Baptize the rare convert that walks through your door in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Choose a method and ritual for your baptisms. Ensure that you criticize those whose method differs from yours. You may even choose to question the salvation of those that were not baptized by your preferred method.
- Modern Church Translation